Why Do I Keep Listening to My Inner Critic? Understanding the 'Script' That Holds Us Back
We all have an inner voice.
Sometimes, it’s kind and encouraging. Other times, it’s harsh, critical, and leaves us feeling stuck. If you’ve ever wondered, ‘Why am I so hard on myself?’ or ‘Why do I keep repeating the same unhelpful patterns?’, it might be time to get familiar with something I call the script.
As an accredited Cognitive Behavioural Therapist, I work with clients every day who feel held back by this internal voice. It’s a common feature in anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and perfectionism, and it’s backed by decades of psychological research into how our beliefs shape our emotions and behaviour.
What is the script?
The script is a way of understanding that inner critic, the voice in your head that says you're not good enough, that you’ll never change, that everyone else has it figured out but you, etc. It’s the mental dialogue that tells you who you should be, how you ought to behave, and why you’ll never quite measure up.
But here’s the thing: the script isn’t the truth. It’s a habit. One that was formed by years of experience, messages we absorbed from childhood, social norms, and past pain. It plays on repeat, quietly shaping how we think, feel, and behave, often without us realising.
In CBT terms, we might understand the script as a cluster of negative automatic thoughts and core beliefs, often rooted in early experiences and maintained by habitual thinking patterns.
Where does the script come from?
The script usually begins forming early in life. It’s made up of the beliefs, roles, and expectations we were taught (directly or indirectly) about who we need to be to be safe, accepted, or loved. For example:
‘Don’t make such a big fuss.’
‘You’re meant to be the strong one.’
‘You never do anything right.’
These messages don’t always come from bad intentions. But when we internalise them, they can become rigid rules for living, what CBT might call ‘conditional assumptions’, that keep us stuck in unhelpful cycles.
How does the script show up?
You might recognise the script in any of these common patterns:
You replay conversations in your head, picking apart everything you said.
You find it hard to accept praise, brushing it off or minimising your achievements.
You push yourself to be perfect, never quite feeling like you’ve done enough.
You compare yourself to others and always come up short.
You feel guilty for resting or saying no.
In therapy, we work together to spot these unhelpful patterns, question how accurate they really are, and explore kinder, more balanced ways of thinking that support your wellbeing.
Why the script feels so convincing
From a neurobiological perspective, the brain tends to favour what feels familiar—even if it’s unhelpful. That means the more often you’ve thought something, the ‘truer’ it can seem. This is why the script can feel so ingrained: it’s not because it is true, but because it’s been repeated so many times.
Recognising the script as a part of your experience, rather than who you are, is the first step toward change. You don’t need to rewrite your entire past, you just need to notice when the script shows up and begin choosing a different response.
Noticing and naming the script
When you catch yourself stuck in a loop of self-criticism or anxiety, try asking:
Is this thought the truth?
Would I choose to believe this if I were choosing?
Is this thought helpful?
These questions are based on core CBT strategies for challenging unhelpful thoughts and building awareness. Over time, this practice can help shift the brain’s default setting, making space for more balanced, realistic, and empowering beliefs.
How therapy can help
CBT is an evidence-based approach recommended for a wide range of mental health difficulties. In therapy, we create a space to explore your script with curiosity rather than judgement. We look at how it formed, how it affects you, and how to loosen its grip.
As a CBT therapist, I’ve seen just how powerful it can be when people begin to recognise their script and realise: I don’t have to believe everything I think.
Many of my clients find that once they start spotting their script in action, they begin to feel more like themselves.
Contact
If you’ve been feeling stuck in old patterns you can’t seem to shift, you’re not broken, you’re just running an outdated script. And the good news is: you can learn to spot it, challenge it, and eventually choose your own direction. If you're curious about how CBT can help you work with your script and feel more in control of your thoughts and choices, you can learn more about how I work here.
Want a visual reminder to help you spot your script in action?
I've created a simple, client-friendly infographic that explains what the script is, how it shows up, and what you can do when it appears. You can download it here and keep it somewhere handy as a gentle prompt when that inner critic starts to get loud.
